San Antonio Zoo's Timothy the Hippo enters U.S. presidential race

With Americans stuck with the choice of electing either an unhinged wannabe authoritarian or an "elderly man with a poor memory" as president, the San Antonio Zoo is offering a third option this election cycle: a 4,000-pound aquatic mammal. The zoo's beloved Timothy the Hippo, outlined his platform during a Monday press conference announcing his bid for the nation's highest office. During a President's Day speech at the Africa Live exhibit, Timothy's handlers said their candidate's initiatives include mandatory snack time and "Naps for All," which also happens to be the hippo's campaign slogan. We're not sure where Timothy stands on the budget or foreign policy, but "Naps for All" is a slogan most of us can get behind.